Finding the One
One of the biggest decisions that you will ever make in this lifetime, is choosing who you will spend it with. Choosing your friends is a choice that will profoundly impact who you become as the years go by. But, choosing who you will marry and commit to is an even more significant decision. In today’s world of convenience and ease, it may be time for an honest look at what I believe is one of the most important decisions that anyone can make.
In the world of technology, there are always two sides to everything. Technology has both pros and cons. What is gained, is not always worth what is lost. In today’s modern world, convenience is great, and also detrimental. It is almost too easy to connect and communicate with people, and at the same time, it has become a challenge to go deep with them at the same time.
Consider the following. Would you rather have a microwavable or slow-cooked dinner? One you just put in the microwave for a few minutes. A few minutes later it is ready to eat. But is just ok, not that great, and lacks the taste, flavor and texture of a good, home-cooked meal. Or would you rather have a slow-cooked dinner that takes some preparation, and time to cook? Where when you are done eating it, the taste, texture, and satisfaction are all appreciated? See the difference? One takes time, the other does not. One tastes amazing, the other one, not so much. One is convenient, the other takes work and time. But there is a profound difference in the quality and outcome of the meal. See the difference?
Marriage and relationships are very similar. And being one of the most important decisions that you make, the following things should be considered as you are looking for ‘the one’ or as you build your relationship with ‘the one.’
Find a good teammate. Someone you can lean on and depend on. Marriage is not a place for selfishness or independence. It is a relationship that requires work, unity, sacrifice, and collaboration. Having a marriage where you can depend on your teammate is huge. The further and deeper that you go into your marriage, the more important you will realize this is.
Commitment is key. Commitment is not a feeling. It is a choice to stay tied in with your spouse. No matter what. That is what your wedding vows are for. Unfortunately, in today’s world, what we say and promise is far too easily taken back and reversed. For better or worse, usually only means for the better, because people don’t want to be around for the worst. Our world has conditioned people to accept what is easy and convenient and to take the easy road when things get ugly and difficult. But, I would contend that the couples who work through the ugly parts of life and marriage are the couples that are deeper in love and have a greater depth in their relationships.
Work and adjust together. Be flexible. Who you are when you get married will not be the same person that you are five, ten, fifteen, or twenty years into your marriage. Your spouse will not be the same person that you married either. You may have kids. They will be in a variety of phases of life. My point is that life does not remain the same. Things will change. Learn to be flexible. Learn to communicate, work, and adjust as needed, throughout the phases of life and relationship that you find yourself in.
Move forward and grow. Do not become stagnant. One of the goals of your marriage should be to help your spouse to blossom into the person that they were created to be. Your relationship is as much about you, as it is about them. You should want your spouse to grow and mature as much as possible, with your help. As you journey through life together, you should help each other to grow and become the best version of themselves as possible. There is no room for pride or selfishness in your relationship. Rather unity, humility, and teamwork should be some things that define and promote your relationship as time goes on.
Finding the one, is just the beginning of far greater things to come. Connecting and growing with the one is guaranteed to take your relationship to levels that you could only have imagined, as you started out.